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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

When Husbands or Partners Just Don’t Understand

Please welcome guest blogger Louisa Bacio

“I read this article about a local woman who I think you could be friends with,” hubby recently said one morning.

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him expectedly. Even at my age, I’m open to meeting new friends. Who doesn’t need more friends?

“She’s also a writer,” he continued.

Even better … another writer.

“She just wrote a history book about Irvine.”

Crash. Screeching halt. What?

OK, I get it, she’s still a writer and I’m sure her book is interesting and she’s a nice person. But a history writer and a writer of erotic romance don’t instantly equal fast friends.

Well, that is unless she’s a writer of the history of erotic romance. Otherwise, she’ll probably not get me.

That said, having friends who understand what you’re going through, i.e. other writers, is particularly valuable. Not everyone gets the craziness that happens within our minds. There also are those genre writers who have been there, done that before. Yes, there are definitely “cliques” within the romance industry, and sometimes inspirational authors may mingle with those who write historical romance, but surely not those who delve into same-sex BDSM … or do they? While those in the erotic realm seem “open” to all forms of writing, that’s not always true across the board.

There’s also a difference between those writers who reflect “reality,” and those who push the boundaries. I’ve always been fascinated with the world of paranormal. I started reading Stephen King at the tender age of 12, and then quickly picked up Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles. Then there was the fascination with even darker, horror fiction. So for me, FF&P perfectly fits that craving. When someone posts about if “werewolves can do X, Y or Z,” we have answers and opinions! (We don’t scoff.)

And, to push it further into another niche, there’s also something special about having compadres that commiserate with what it’s like to balance writing and home life. I’m being somewhat evasive – for me, it’s kids. It takes a special desire to keep writing when you have the distractions of young children and don’t always feel in the mood to … write!

Fortunately, I’ve found that magic support group, in person via local writing organizations such as the Orange County Romance Writers and also Online. And, some of those “friends” I met through social networking such as Twitter and Facebook. How can you become friends with someone Online? Well, the people who ask such a question have never done so.

These strong and dedicated writers – most of them are women, but there are a few men that I can think of via name – that relate to the obsession of writing, and sharing work with others. They know what a #WIP is, and can relate to wanting to write 1,000 words or better in an hour. And when that magic happens, when you find that tribe that fits, nourish it and cherish it.

And if you need someone to complain to about those who just don’t get it … we’ll be here, too.

Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got a few other things to do and my hubby has stayed up way past his bedtime. I need to find some alone-time.

In May 2012, Bacio will teach the Online workshop “De-Mystifying Ménage” for FF&P. http://www.romance-ffp.com/event.cfm?EventID=379

Louisa Bacio writes erotic romance, many of which delve into the paranormal realm. Her fourth full-length novel The Vampire, The Witch & The Werewolf 2: Chains of Silver will be released soon via Ravenous Romance. You can find her online at http://louisabacio.blogspot.com and http://www.facebook.com/louisabacio.

The Vampire, The Witch & The Werewolf 2: Chains of Silver

Adopted at birth, Silver Ashe discovers her blood-brother Trevor Pack is a werewolf, with a vampire and witch for lovers. All her teachings about the evils of the paranormal Others come into question. She runs to a family friend, Nick, for help.

Nick Stake takes his hobby as a vampire hunter personally. He strives to rid the world of evil bloodsuckers. When his best friend’s “kid” sister comes to him for advice, Nick discovers Silver’s more than grown up. He battles his growing desire for Silver and blindly holds true to his convictions.

Once Silver reaches her sexual maturity, she’ll inherit her full genetic heritage and turn into a werewolf. When death comes calling, Silver and Nick must face their darkest fears in order to break free from the chains that bind.


jeff7salter said...

It makes as much sense as someone suggesting I should be 'friends with' another guy with a gray beard.
All writers are not of one accord anymore than all men with gray beards are potential buddies.

Louisa Bacio said...

Totally laughing, Jeff. I know a couple of men with beards that I think you might be able to be friends with!

Rosalie Lario said...

This post made me laugh. My hubby is just as clueless. That's why a network of author support is so important. I don't know where I'd be without my writerly friends. :-)

Louisa Bacio said...

Rosalie -- aren't those husband-types just funny? Maybe if we were married to writers, but that might be tough!